My opinion of myself has been pretty low for much, if not all, of my life. There has always been that little voice inside me that whispers, “You’re not good enough,” or “See? You failed again. You’re just a loser.” Sometimes it gets so loud it takes over my entire body, or at least that’s how it feels in the moment.

Over the past couple of years, I’ve worked with my psychologist to uncover these negative opinions, pull them apart, and rebuild them into something that is true. Even with all that work, though, sometimes that voice still shows up loud, and I still let it take over.

I joined a community on Skool in October. Recently, I watched a video from the host about why we keep attracting toxic people. There are three questions he said we should be asking ourselves: “What is my opinion of myself?” “Where did that opinion come from?” and “What is the truth?” Those questions, combined with what I’ve learnt through therapy, have pushed me to identify my opinions of myself, pinpoint their origin, and speak the truth back to them.

I sat down and wrote a list of every negative opinion I have of myself that came to mind. Within about five minutes, I had almost 30. I’ve included three completed “opinion + origin + truth” pieces below. They were more emotionally and mentally taxing than I expected, so it will take some time to work through the rest.

What is my opinion of myself?

Opinion: I am weak.
Origin: Being born and raised in abuse, then marrying into it. Having people wield their power and need for control over me. Choosing people, friends and romantic partners, who diminished my character and reinforced that I was weak.
Truth: I am one of the strongest people I know. My strength is intimidating to the wrong people I’ve allowed into my life. Out of fear of losing them, I minimised myself and taught myself I needed to be weak to be accepted. The truth is I am strong, and that strength unsettles people who are uncomfortable with their own weakness.

Opinion: I am not enough.
Origin: People expected more from me even when I was giving them everything I had. I fell in love with someone who didn’t think I was worthy of love because of how I looked. People walked away from me like I was nothing and didn’t mean a thing to them.
Truth: I handed my value over to other people, but my value has always lived within me. I am enough, I just won’t ever be enough for the wrong people. I surrounded myself with the wrong people because I was chasing validation that matched my inner belief that I wasn’t good enough. That belief made mistakes and failures feel like proof. The truth is, I am capable, competent, and enough to achieve whatever I set my mind to. I just need to build a life with the right people in it.

Opinion: I can’t communicate properly
Origin: I learnt from a young age that silence is what people expected from me. Every time I voiced my opinions, thoughts, feelings, or anything else, I was shot down, told to shut up, ignored, called stupid, or told I was wrong. My voice was never validated as a child. Instead, I became the listener. It is a job I’ve had for much of my adult life.
Truth: When I feel confident, my communication skills are fire. Sometimes I even surprise myself. Others have always kept me small and voiceless because it allowed them to control me and feed off my energy. I allowed them because I liked feeling needed and I thought it was the best kind of love I was going to get. The truth is, I deserve to be around people who encourage me to speak without minimising me.