I enrolled in a creative arts and mental health course over summer this year. For one of my assignments, I had to do a creative piece based on the word ‘tear.’ Below is the written piece I added to a torn collage of an anatomical heart.

This piece is dedicated to my ex-husband.

When I first met you, I likened myself to a butterfly.

After years of being a caterpillar,

I’d finally grown my wings.

I was eager to spread those wings and take flight into the unknown.

The first thing you did was tear off my wings, so I could never take flight.

As you promised you loved me

And sold me my dream of a loving husband and a peaceful family,

I allowed you deeper and deeper into my subconscious.

There, you tore down every bit of self-worth I had – until I had none left.

For you, I tore myself apart.

As I ripped off each piece,

You told me it was not enough.

With each tear, I lost a piece of myself.

Finally, I tore out my heart.

I handed it to you, screaming,

“Take it! It’s all I have left! If you don’t want it, then I might as well be dead!”

You took it,

With a grin on your face.

You ripped it into a million pieces,

Laughing like a maniac as you let each piece fall to the floor

Like it was nothing.

Like I was nothing.

As my blood dripped from both our hands,

I realised I was nothing – to you.

You reached your hand into the vacant hole in my chest,

Searching for my soul –

The only thing I had left for you to take,

The only thing left for you to destroy.

But you could not find it,

It did not belong to you.

As I picked up the pieces of my heart from the floor,

You mocked and belittled me.

I placed the pieces back into my chest

And bandaged my wound.

It was then I realised,

The joke is on you.

Without a heart, I could no longer feel –

And without feeling, you could no longer win.

You tried to destroy me.

Instead, you made me see that I am not a butterfly.

I am a phoenix.

You took everything I was.

You lit me on fire.

You watched me burn,

Laughing and mocking me.

But you can’t use fire to destroy someone who has lived in fire their whole life.

As you turned your back,

Thinking you had won,

Thinking I was dead,

I rose from my ashes.

Brighter and stronger,

A fire burning inside me like never before.

Now, I watch as your life falls apart,

As you continue to destroy others around you,

As you finally meet your match.

As you beg for me back.

I don’t laugh or mock you,

Although I could.

Instead, I stay silent.

I turn my back.

I walk away.

I choose to stay in my peace,

In the warmth of the fire you gave me while you tried to destroy me –

but failed.